We’ve seen you, finger on the touchpad, hovering over the ‘buy’ button on that sexy zombie costume, biting your lip. Should you just get it? The night is almost upon us, you don’t have time to go on a shopping mission now. But deep down you know you don’t really want to leave the house in that flammable horror show.
Apart from the fire hazard of such ill fitting polyester costumes near naked pumpkin flames, we think it’s time to stop perpetuating those nasty ‘sexy’ stereotypes (let’s be honest, there’s nothing ‘sexy’ about polyester). So we’ve got a few alternative suggestions for Halloween looks, from the low key, to the positively mental.
Latex is perfect for Halloween dress up – and if you want to do sexy, this is sexy. However, unless you’re Beyonce on tour, few of us have an excuse to leave the house in this ultra flattering fabric that makes curves look particularly dangerous. At this time of year though it’s fully acceptable so indulge in a little latex love. We are particularly taken with the designs from Atsuko Kudo and Kim West (not that one).
Alexander McQueen AW16 (image: Vogue)
Capes are crazy popular right now and they have an inescapably ghoulish quality to them when combined with death-warmed-up-makeup and dragged-through-a-hedge-backwards hair. Alternatively, you can opt for Titania vibes like this Alexander McQueen floor sweeper. Buy the right cape and you’ll have a solid Halloween costume, plus a new piece of on-trend outerwear. The expense is fully justifiable.
Black cape (image: Grazia)
Jean Paul Gaultier SS13 (image: Harpers Bazaar)
Too soon? No, the Kim Kardashian robbery Halloween outfit was too soon (it will never be the right time for that). But a Bowie Halloween look is right on time. See Jean Paul Gaultier SS13 for Bowie style right off the rack if you’re feeling lazy (but be prepared to be one among many red-wigged lighting-flashed impersonators on the night). Or go your own way and channel the Bowie essence (“I’m a born librarian with a sex drive”) with a mad creation of your own. Personally, we think this a great excuse for a Pam Hogg catsuit.
Pam Hogg AW16 (image The Glass Pineapple)
If you’re just one of those people who is never going to plaster yourself in fake blood or risk the toilet challenge of a catsuit then fear not, as you can still join in. Book yourself in for a monster manicure and get some super scary nails as a nod to the ghoulishness of the eve. We particularly like this blood drip design but you could go for terrifying spiked black talons or cheerful pumpkins, depending on your vibe.
It’s so last year to dress up as Lagerfeld and Choupette but there are plenty of other fashion pets from which to take inspiration if you’re fed up of the classic cat. Lady Gaga’s French bulldog Miss Asia Kinney has her own Coach campaign so she’s a pretty easy copy, especially if your other half/BFF wants to wear a meat dress. Personally, we favour Mumitan, the bunny with a penchant for deerstalkers. No one will know what the hell you’ve come as which will make you feel vastly superior intellectually. Plus, you can wear tweed.
Jemima Khan as Melania Trump (image: Telegraph)
This might be your last opportunity to mock Donald Trump as if (God forbid) the Trumpkin wins the upcoming election taking the pi** out of him will probably become a waterboard-worthy offence. Jemima Khan is our inspiration for this costume, which also references the ‘locker room’ comments caught on tape. A perfect piece of 2016 pop culture but you might feel a bit queasy every time you look in the mirror.